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Two-wheeled
exercise machines invented for dogs to control body fat.
To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a
bush and dash out, barking loudly and running alongside
for a few yards. The person then swerves and falls into
the bushes, and you prance away.
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The
best way to get your human's attention when they are drinking
a fresh cup of coffee or tea
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This
is a malady which affects dogs when their person wants
them in and the dog wants to stay out. Symptoms include
staring blankly at the person and then running in the
opposite direction or lying down.
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Any
soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the
guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living
room
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This
is what you do when your person has food and you don't.
To do this properly you must sit as close as you can,
look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better
yet, on their lap.
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A
container which your neighbors put out once a week to
test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs
and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do
it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred,
beef bones to consume and moldy crusts of bread.
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Every
good dog's response to the command "Sit!", especially
if your person is dressed for an evening out. Incredibly
effective before black-tie events.
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A
strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead
your person where you want him/her to go.
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This
is a feeling of intense affection given freely and without
restriction. The best way you can show your love is to
wag your tail. If you're lucky your human will love you
in return.
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Sofas
are to dogs as napkins are to people. After eating it
is polite to run up and down the front of the sofa to
wipe your whiskers clean.
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This
is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans
remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary
to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably,
panting, rolling your eyes wildly and following them at
their heels.
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This
is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes and old candy
wrappers. When you get bored, turn over the basket and
strew the papers all over the house for when your person
comes home.
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